Saba Beats Cancer

A year ago on New Years day 2019 I woke up with a large lump at the top inside of my thigh. It may have been growing for a while but I noticed it for the first time that morning as I woke up.  We had toasted the New Year's with champagne and were full of excitement about what 2019 would bring - so much promise and not a real care in the world - which was immediately dashed with a diagnosis of stage 4 lymphoma, double hit, with lesions in my skull, spinal cord and hip. And I had to go through hell to get here - but here I am. As you make your New Year's resolutions - please stick to them. Because you seriously do not know what you will wake up to tomorrow. Love your family - keep them close - almost losing them is too much to bear -  believe me. And I needed all of them close to get through this.  Love your friends - the prayers I got from around the world are a big reason I am here You need your health - the chemo will kill ya just as much as the cancer it seems ...

Yes - I am actually at work. I actually got a doctors note to work as is required as I end my FMLA - which is family medical leave and not what millenials think of when they see FML. At work and it feels phenomenal.  I am only working 4 hours a day this week and then resting. Will work 8 hours a day next week with only a 4 day work week.  Making sure I take it easy and have plenty of hand sanitizer and still taking antibiotics.  A few side effects lingering - the dry eye every morning, and a little tired - but that is it. Other than that I am a normal bald guy with no eyebrows or eyelashes.  Taking some vitamins that I will will accelerate the hair growth. We will see. The girls are still here and we have had some great discussions about weddings and futures and boyfriends and moving.  So nice not to talk about me and my health. Tonight we are going out to a new place for dinner.  So excited. And we are heading to the beach this weekend and I may ev...

My attitude can't help but be better since this is the last methotrexate run.  Good thing too - because it was annoying so far.  I got in my room early but because we got delayed a day, they had to have new lab work done.  So that took a while - and they were doing maintenance on the lab system so they had to manually give them the results. So that took time. Then they ordered the chemo - finally. So instead of an early start, I got the rituxan last night at 2:00 AM and go the MTX at 9:30 this morning. Means I won't get out of here until Wednesday.  But who cares. It's the last one. There is the empty MTX bag with the evil yellow brain saving death liquid. And that feels soooooooooo good. The last MTX. Oh hell yeah. Now I just have to get it out of my system and get out of here to prep for the very final R-EPOCH chemo.  How great is that.  My blood work is down low so they may give me a shot to help with that.  Until then I have to wear a mask ...

So - I have been pretty good at filling a day.  My daily routine takes time. I am blessed that I can do work online for about 4 hours a day. But that still leaves time. My brilliant cousin asked if I painted - said no but would love to learn. They really need to do those painting classes here. So he sent a very complex paint by numbers for me to do.  It is the hit of the floor - every nurse, assistant, doctor - everyone who comes in the room is massively impressed with the detail and how cool it is to have adult paint by number. Of course it is a beach house scene.  I feel like I am making progress but a lot to do. I am not patient but trying hard to get it done to look good.  And - what feels really great - is I may not have enough time to finish on my chemo. But it is the perfect diversion - play some tunes and get lost in the painting.  Just what I need to not think about sitting in the hospital 3 more nights. Feeling good though.  They forgot my ...

You have all encouraged me to keep going on my plan on treatment. And it is a little tough - many times don't feel like doing it all but it all is focused on reducing the impact of chemo. I have been told that chemo builds up in your system over the 6 treatments (in my case 11 treatments) and that it will get rougher.  Well - got my blood work today and it is actually better than it as on day one of chemo for chemo 4.  My red blood cells, hemoglobin and platelets are all much higher.   Now - there is no cause and effect in chemo - but this really makes me believe that I am having some impact on the toxins in my body. That's huge.  It's not one thing, it's everything.  And everything seems to be doing some good work on beating chemo. Just need to keep it rolling for 26 days of chemo and then the recovery.   Love the positives.

Chemo #5 - this is the earliest they started the chemo! Yay!  And I am so thankful for Navy training - they kept coming and and changing the bags all night. I would mumble my name and birth date, hold up my wrist band for scanning and go right back to sleep. So not that bad at all. Feeling good today. As you all know there is nothing better for me than feeding my ego - when the doc says you are handling it like a champ - I can take that positive vibe and keep it rolling. So I got up feeling good and went about the business of beating chemo as usual. And now I actually have a lot of work to do which is going to make the time go by.  So all in all - a good start to chemo #5!!  That light at the end of the tunnel is really starting to come into focus.

Was in a bit of a funk for a week or so.  While it seems like I am in the home stretch, I was seriously dreading every single chemo. It got to the point of creating anxiety and stress.  (worrying - does it help?).  Really hit a low point this week as did Lee. It really wears on you. Probably why I didn't update the blog as well. And then I finally broke out. You all kept pushing me saying that I got this and I realized  - I do.  I can handle the chemo and handle it better than most. I have a plan and the plan is working and I have to stop worrying about things I can't control.  Just go with it and finish strong. It helped. I woke up Thursday feeling great for the blood work and and I hit the doors of MD Anderson yesterday ready for brain chemo #4 and not dreading it.  I have to focus on it not to let it creep back in - but so far so good. Getting this one done is a big deal in my mind.  So let's make it happen. Got the MTX running in right n...

So yesterday was great.  My list is so long of daily stuff that it does pass the time.  I had just finished my walking and for the first time I did my deep breathing outside here at the hospital.  They don't have many good places outside for patients with fuckers (IV machines) but there is one bench. It was occupied by another patient. This is rare - no one but me goes outside.  So I just stood there near the entrance and did my deep breathing.  I am using the Calm app to do this and the meditation. So apparently Dr. Fowler - our awesome doc - has the rounds today and sees me on the way in. Tells me later, I saw you but didn't want to break your meditation.  Pretty funny.  When he makes the rounds, he brings 3 other docs that are shadowing him because he is the man.  He says - I showed them your scans including the MRI - and he still nods his head and says "Man, that was crazy" - all the other docs nod their heads too. Another reminder of how ...

Trying to keep the next 5 months in perspective. Basically have to stop life and fix this and I hate it. But, when you do the math, these 5 months are just 0.7% of my entire, pretty awesome, life.  Surely I can take 0.7% out of my life to make sure I have more. We are 10 days into the 150 day journey. Feeling much better yesterday and all things are on track (including the ol bowels finally).  So all systems go for now.  Just have to better expect the unexpected with this. Besides being 5 miles from MD Anderson, living in Houston has another perk - it's warm. So I can get fresh air and be outside. Felt great to be out walking the pups in shorts and a t-shirt this morning. Just awesome. Going to go to work tomorrow - will feel great to do that as well!  Normal rules!!

Spinal tap came back negative - but the docs are puzzled - there should be something in there so they are going to run a more refined test to check. And we might as well still dump some chemo in your spine right now anyway because better safe than sorry.  They keep raining on my very little parades. I mean jeez - a little good news and they are like - meh - still pumping more chems in you. So second spinal test is done and the first good news in a while - spine is totally clean!!  So just weekly spinal methotrexate to keep the spine clear. And the chemo has started - lots of premeds to counter the side effects.  This is supposed to be the worse om the rituxan.  But half way through the bag and OK so far.  They have to take vitals every 15 minutes at the start so I am now glad I didn't last night. They are slowly upping the dose very 20 minutes until they max it out. Pretty nervous today about the unknown but just so relieved that we are finally started -...